message in a box

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inside this box
i built this nest
feathered with love
& flowered with hope
woven inside a tapestry
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inside, a girl
frozen in fear
& a tiny blue bird
ready to hear
her hearts desires
and fly to the ear
of the one who
breathes life
in all that is dear
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(sometimes things only start to rhyme in the second verse.)
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I built this little shrine in a box (9 x 7 & a half x 6) that I decoupaged and painted, lined with feathers and tapestry threads and framed with a bead curtain. Then I added a flower, a birdhouse complete with a bird, a heart hanging by a thread and a stone girl cut from a photograph inside the box, and a little nest with an egg decorated with flowers on top.
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It was supposed to be a fertility shrine, but it turned out to be more about starting a growth process…a spiritual growth process. It turned out that fertility issues is a way of pushing my soul to expand. And expand it did, and then some.
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This is part of the reason why I haven’t been blogging so frequently the last few months. At first I was dealing with the trials and tribulations and the monthly heartaches of being on fertility medicine and not getting pregnant. Then I met a wonderful woman who steered me gently into a journey of discovery…about why we are here, why it hurts so much sometimes, the connectivity of it all and what next.
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I am sure that my next few blogs will be all about sharing some of the extraordinary discoveries I made with you. We all have our own journeys and maybe mine is far removed from the reality of yours, but maybe it helps you to see something that will help you in whichever way it is meant to.
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(C) Art, poetry & thoughts, MJ Calitz, 2010

perfect, now

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you can never be perfect
but you are ALWAYS
perfectly YOU
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books & cd's for the soul:

• "Life is a verb" - Patti Digh
  
• "How to save your own life" - Michael Gates Gill
  
• "Sacred contracts" - Caroline Myss (audio book)
• "Brain wave meditations" - Kelly Howell (audio book)
• "72 sound healing meditations" (cd)
  

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old favorites:

• "Conversations with God" - Neale Donald Walsch
• "Mr. God, this is Anna" - Fynn
• "Eat, Pray, Love" - Elizabeth Gilbert

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"we inhabit ourselves without valuing ourselves, unable to see that here, now, this very moment is sacred. but once it's gone, it's value is incontestable."
- Joyce Carol Oates -
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(C) Photo Art, MJ Calitz, 2010

perspective

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"we don't see things as they are. we see things as we are."
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- Anaïs Nin -
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(C) Photo Art, MJ Calitz, 2010

stripped

& striped ;)
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if i show you my not so pretty side...
my barren fields of dreams
screams trapped inside my throat
unwise patterns. stumble. fall. repeat
swollen eye tears. fears spinning gears
this aging human body. not always strong
me. needy. stubborn. not always here…
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if i do not write another word
no child. no art
no money or shiny career
no desirable limbs. no pretty face
if i cannot say what i mean…
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if i am not what i seem
if i am not what you dream…
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if i am just this,
the story of my life,
achingly boring & human…
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would you still smile & say
it’s okay
?
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why am i so scared of not being enough for the world?
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(C) Art, Photo Art& Poetry, MJ Calitz, 2010

vibrations

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here's my thought of the day...
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be aware of all the sounds you expose yourself and your loved ones to. whether it be from words or music, movies or background noise, sounds are vibrations resonating like tuning forks inside us, impacting our health & balance. of course every negative sound can't be turned off, but if you are aware, you can take little steps towards restoring health & inner peace...like turning off that violent tv show that's irritating your nerves, tuning in to nature, listening to scientifically engineered healing sounds...or EVEN just being aware of the sounds that come out of your own mouth. i am not saying "be perfect." NO. i'm saying be aware.
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(C) Photograph, MJ Calitz, 2008.

just breathe

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when you feel vulnerable and scared
just breathe
when you feel stretched to your limit
just breathe
when you feel sorrow or disappointment
just breathe
when your body is bruised
your heart is broken
or your soul is searching
just breathe
when the pain gets too much
just breathe
and when you feel like you can’t breathe
…just breathe
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(C) Photographs & photo art, MJ Calitz, 2010

raspberry alice

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i am forever immortalized as alice with raspberry lips on a french girl’s blog
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and i wonder
am i really
what i say
how i look or
how i am perceived?
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what if my words are just strings of awkward and whimsical weaved together as poetry…or nothing?
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who is this alice?
it just sounds so fantastical
welcome to the greatest show on earth!
come see the brave, the rockstar-ish,
the very plastic
alice with raspberry lips!
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what if i am never her
and what if i am so much more
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stop. no more plastic. return to earth & sticks & shells
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i am woman
i am mind and body and soul
yes, weathered by life
& coiled too tightly
but i am real
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i don’t need to be defined by anything. not skills or looks. not a poem or a baby. i am enough just as i am. right now
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(C) Art & Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2010

bird fluttering

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is that a little biRd i feel fluttering inside my calm, cracking up my sanity? eggs, eggs and more eggs. she can’t stop talking. stop hoping! I CANNOT LIE. not about this. pills & needles& counting the days forced me to pay attention to the ruthless yearning pecking away at my soul. and not just my soul. no, the core of the SOUL of the soul. does the universe not want this for me? does it not feel the vibrations of my yearning rippling across it’s heart, knocking at the core of everything that is LoVe? little egg. little life. hope that is born & squashed a million times. eat this. noT that. no roller coasters. no sun…no SUN??? i will sacrifice the sun on my skin for a chance to carry life inside my belly…to be a giant egg. a round birdhouse. a belly nest. i cannot wait…no. STOP! don’t hope.
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i picked up the neighbor’s baby 2 weeks ago. 2 weeKs ago. i can’t forget the feel of his body in my hands…the smoothness of his skin…bone & weight. fragile and yet stronger than i expected. it's not as if i haven't picked up a baby before. wHat did i expect? i didn’t expect to feel nothing and yet remember the moment so vividly. i didn’t expect to feel the fluttering of a bird knocking @ my soul. i didn’t expect to feel EVERYTHING
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(C) Photograph, MJ Calitz, 2010

haiku-ish

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spring day
walking outside
alive!
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wicker chair in shade. birds
easter eggs on trees
it's good to breathe
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dogs barking
airplane passing by
he says my art
is definitely NOT SHY
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(C) MJ Calitz, 2010

ethereal

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(C) Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2010

fly anyway

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i have 3 things for you today. a collage...
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a painting...
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and a poem...
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fly anyway
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if she wants to paint eggs, then let her do it. as far as i know, there’s nothing wrong with repetition. in fact it’s quite healing. so what’s in an egg? fertility. opportunities. life. he cracks me up. now everything appears sunny side up. eat toast for breakfast. smile. welcome to your life.
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it’s just…sometimes i let the yellow push me into premature mourning & i become a human bird at a crossroad inside a cage, bleeding ink, unable to fly. but i forget that i am a butterfly & orange is rising slowly, surely, sacredly in me. so paint your eggs and your numbers, wish on a feather or a full moon & fly. fLy…fly anyway
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(C) art & poetry, MJ Calitz, 2010

enjoy the ride

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it's not about the destination. it never was. it's about the miles you add, feeling the sunshine on you face every now and then & the journey that is uniquely yours. don't try to speed it up. instead, savor every moment that is pure gift & grace...WELCOME TO WHEREVER YOU ARE.
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(C) Photograph, MJ Calitz, 2008. Photo edit, MJ, 2010

finding strength

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(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2010

& sunshine in a salad

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(C) MJ Calitz, 2010

spring on the sidewalk

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Spring has arrived in Ohio. Yes, we'll still get a few cooler days, some rain, a snow dusting even, but for the most part it's sunny, there's evidence of new growth & green everywhere and people are washing cars and walking outside... It's awesome! Don't you just have so much more energy when the sun is shining? I went for a lovely walk around the neighborhood and big was my delight, when i came across this sidewalk painting, filled with sun & spring. It made me smile. & of course I had to go get my camera and take a few pictures to share with you.

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I love spring time. It's like my body and soul wakes up from a deep, long hibernation, ready for a new year with new challenges and opportunities. I love feeling the sun on my skin and the breeze in my hair, the taste of fresh fruits and salads, the sound of birdsong and frogs returning and when the flowers open, color and sweet smells everywhere.

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Of course on the other side of the globe it's autumn...So where ever you are and what ever season you're entering, enjoy the gentle breezes, the beautiful colors and the relief this season brings to you from being too cold or too warm to mellow and gorgeous.
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(C) Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2010

in my skin

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the luxury of skin, he said
and suddenly there’s a little song in my head
& a lot of possibilities in my soul
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he woke me up. (3 times he. 3 times woke me. 3 times up). whispering. screaming. being. and now i can’t sleep. and now i’m dreaming again. just don’t ask me about the future. because it’s not with you. because it’s not gonna happen that way. because i simply don’t know. i know. it’s not all sleeping in on weekends. and making banana pancakes. and yet. i taste cinnamon. no more broken doll. run. paint. be me. be where i am. on clouds or not. be in my skin
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the luxury of skin, he said. and now i’m awake. and now i can sleep again. because in my skin is where i am now. and it’s okay
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(C) Art & poem, MJ Calitz, 2010

new growth

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(C) Art (watercolor & color pencil on paper), MJ Calitz, 2010

the road you're on

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here's my message for today: sometimes you just gotta keep pedaling the road you're on, even if it gets rocky (then you pedal extra hard until the worst is over), because it's where you're supposed to be. and if you fall off, get up & move on. ask for help when you need it. feed your body & your soul. and don't think other people's roads are so much easier, we all have our own obstacles and easy stretches. my mom always say, "life is not for sissies."

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(C) Photograph, MJ Calitz, 2008

egg nesting

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(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2010

coffee kiss

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it was a very innocent kiss
like happy birthday
or congratulations
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but
her lips were warm and soFt and tasted like coffee
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she kissed me with her warm coffee sipped lips melting over & in. in. in. the world stopped spinning. and for a definitive moment, eVerything made sense
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afterwards
nothing
felt
right
again
excePt
drinking coffee
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it’s funny then that I doN’t
drink a lot of coffee

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(C) Poem, MJ Calitz, 2010. Photo art, MJ Calitz, 2008