HapPy tHankSgivinG

to aLL my aMeriCan fRienDs

*

if you are travelling, pLease travel safely. don't eat the wHole turkey. & enjoy your tiMe with family and friends...

*

gobble gobble

mj ;-)

unlock me

(water paint & paper details. MJ, 2008)
*

knitting scissors

*

my mother say when i was a child playing with water or scissors always calmed me down. (i wonder what that says of me…) one time i cut up one of her best knitting patterns

*

*

photo of knitting pattern from amazon.com, vintage knitting patterns. photo of scissors by "peterbox" on flikr.com. self portrait & photo edit, MJ Calitz 2008.

drip me a butterfly

*
*

...shred me a butterfly wing to use as a looking glass dripping purple & virginal on hearts cut of yellowed newspapers crying heavy fears of yesterdays sorrow…light me a tea candle floating b'tween rose petals moaning love & no no never leave…drip me an oil'd rainbow waxed lyrical like a symphony in black and pearls rolling on my tongue like a beautiful scream. then color me green...

*
*
(C) Copyright MJ Calitz 2008. Picture taken 09/02/08 at Goldengate Park San Fransisco. i just added some rain drops...

noT an aNgel oR a doLL

*

*

she send me to boarding school. she send me to church. she fed me smiLey faces plucked from uNder her shoes. she said if i could pRetty pLease be a good girl
*
then he painted me scaRLet with his fingers
*
sHe said if i could pretty please be a good girl
*
so i was. but i always dreamt of loVers in the backseats of fLying cars & peace held like stOnes in my palms. paint me a whore with a porcelain smiLe. glue me a maSk. or sunglasses covering my resTless eyes
*
no. i neveR was an angel
and i couldn't be thiS…tHis porcelain doll
who couldn't speaK or eat or curse
*
so i did things…things good girls no nEver would do. things i aLmost couldn't say out loud. i started to curse i stopped going to church. i tattooed things with wings on my skin so i wouldn't ever agaiN get confused. i took lovers. i took them deeP into my freckled souL as if finding hoMe. then i watched them fLy away like moths leaviNg my flame
*
life is a journey. you chooSe
*
& like a butterfLy in a glass bottle
i did what gooD girls do. i stayed
i stayed
i stayed
alive
sane
married
i capture mySelf (i set me fRee)
*
i cHoose
*
sometimes i think i'm bEautiful

& sometimes i think i'm loSt
& sometimes i find peace

like a smooth pebble inSide my palm
but always aLways, i am mE
*
and there is so much moRe to say than i am nOt an angel.

oR a doll…
*

*

(C) Copyright & collage MJ Calitz, 2008

i circle my moons

(oil pastels & water colors, 2008)

*

leT iT sNoW

*

*

*

*

firSt sNoW of tHe seAsoN, faLLinG oN thE grOunD

*

*
WEATHER FORECAST 4 TODAY:

*

Low 24F, High 37F

Feels like 32F

Occassional Snow Showers

Wind: Calm

*

*

Pictures taken this morning

eyes 4c

*

*
eyE see witH my Little i deeP iNtO youR windoWs & oPeN dooRs paiNtinG youR souLs all tHe coLors thaT eyeS can be. GReeN mE bLue i LoVe bRown & gRey are You. framed by lashes bLack blonde sasHes cuRLing liKe viNes & rambling rose aRouNd mY heaRt. arouNd inSide like wormS iNsidE appLes. yoUr i'S, theY wHispeR secReTs BeautiFul secrets uRgent seCrets disHeartened secreTs. muTe secRets. eNteR mE. nO neeD to sPeaK. eye sEE yOu through youR EyeS ReflectiNg t.r.u.e.

*
*
(C) Copyright MJ Calitz. poem & collage 2008

melt me

*

*

*

i want to cuRl up on your pillow. meLt in your mouth...
*

*

(C) Copyright MJ Calitz 2008

hugging earth

*

sunday afternoon. he shakes the tree. it rains leaves like hearts on fire like love letters kissing the earth like you made me feel alive. but winter is coming & leaves are dying. soon it will snow again and millions of tiny snowflakes will touch it's lips to the earth instead falling falling on the ground. not shattering, no. just softly gathering like filigree paper angels joined by the hands & layered ad infinitum. fast forward time. look love, they float. they form an ice blanket hugging earth. rewind. we sit on porch steps. i wrap my arms around him from behind. i kiss his neck even if he shivers. sun is warm today & earth is round. and you are never never and so far away…

*

*

*

(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2008. Winter photograph taken by David Calitz. Autumn photograph, self portrait & photo edits, MJ Calitz 2008.

soul wings

*
*
i am daRk i am light
i'm mood swings & soul wings
i hurt & i smile i curse & i kiss
i ache i heal i fall i gEt up
i cry like a child i giggle (i do!)
i forGive
i grow like a weed, like a herb
i survive
*
i am sweet i'm annoying
i'm stubborn i'm a pleaser
i'm an angel i'm nOt an angel
i'm restless i am free
i sulk i complain
i give thaNks i give joy
i want it (& i want in now)
i aSk questions
i get fRustrated i get answers
i get surprises
*
i'm a rose in your nose
the thorn in your side
i doN't leave easily
i'm noT easy to leave
i feel too much
you cry, i cry
you shout, i shrivel
your anger iSn't mine
there's a time bomb in my head
peaCe in my soul
i talk too damn much
i don't say enough words
*
i write poetry i aM poetry
i'm the words & the meanings,
the rhythm & the rhyme
i make aRt i am art maDe by god
i'm yellow paint on your fingers,
blood red on your heart
i'm a sTar i hitch rides on stars
i send kisses near & far
i need love (lots of it…
loVe me See me…)
i collect love like stamps
i make love i radiate love
*
i'm fLawed i am perfect
i'm scared i am brave
i am sillY i am selfish
i'm sexy & such a bore
i'm a warrior & a peacemaker,
a prude & a whore
i'm wise i'm childish
i'm pRetty i'm a foOl
i'm a dreamer, a steamer,
a drama mama queener
i'm too loud i'm too small
i'm ugly and bEautiful
i'm naughty i'm a flirt
i'm critical & oh so sensible
*
i grew up in a boX
there iS no box
i'm a prisoner of this body
my soul fLy free
i'm like you
i am different i am Me
i am particles of you
i Am god &godess
i'm so very human
i am mE
*
*
(C) Copyright MJ Calitz 2008. photo edit 2008.

to be a bird

(collage 2008)

*

we are who we are

& "perfect" isn't the point

LIVING life is.
*

EXPERIENCE everything

CREATE, even if you think it's silly

LOVE, even if you're scared

be you. be happy

*

...and in the words of Armand in the movie CHOCOLAT, "don't worry so much about supposed too's"

*

conversation

*

your skin

is what i missed

before i met you
& for you,

my fingernails

are your skin

*
so maybe we have a private language
that i haven't understood before now

*

*

(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2008

in the city

*
*

*

*

Chicago, Illinois

(i took these pictures from inside the car while we drove through the city)

*

betWeen the eyeLashes

*

*

e.n.e.r.g.y.
*

in the sPaCe
betWeen the spaces
in the tiMe
between the times
that's wHere we send
our ecstacy, teaRs
& lies
that's where we meeT
soul kiSsing soul
poet
echoing pOet
in the song of lifE
that's wheRe we dance
slow & deep
that's where lovers plaY
teAsing chance
but soMetimes
aLL we leave beHind is
loNging & tEars
longing…
& teaRs
*
i aM the universe &
she is you & me and everything we see
wE are her voiCe
so miNd what you sAy
what you thinK wHat you do

*
heaL us
doN't hurt

*

*

i left too many tears...

*
*

*

i am too deep, stuck upside down inside this wound rooted only to the earth by my stubborn feet kicking you away like a silly dream. i hang from your fingertips your arms stretching over the top of the step ladder reaching for me through the camera lens. erased. no grip. you slide away & every time i start to heal i pick at the scabs. i bleed. i dig deeper. my fingers weep. but how deep is deep enough? & why does it feel so shallow if i'm drowning while i try to balance on an eyelash waiting for you to say something…
*
waiting
*
waiting
*
but your lips seem to be sown together with the silence of a million hour hands ticking by…
*
i slide
which side is up or down?

no grip
*

*

i don't feel like this anymore. it's juSt a poem now and yet it's e.n.e.r.g.y too. energy felt by others and mirrored back in poetic tears...longing & tears. no more. don't hurt.

*

let'S heal the world with loVe

*

*

(C) Copyright MJ Calitz. collages 2008