to the universe. and myself

god, universe, Life
*

by taking away a human being tangled up in me, there since the day i was born. my safety net. my blood. my brother. you have cut me. left a hole

*
Life,
how you injure. and heal
give sorrow. and joy
ability. and fear
and fear of fear
and death, as a matter of time
unfathomable
*
why must we suffer such loss and despair
such insecurities
*
to grow
*
i LOATHE you
*
i love
you
me
YOU
*
Life, i am trapped in your belly
i run in your belly
hide in your belly
ache in you belly
negotiating your digestive system
and your plans, of which i know nothing
*
i am too small
i understand nothing
i understand everything
*
i am scared
?how can i say “this is what i fear”
because,
what if you use it against me?
oh Life, how you torture me
it is not my fault. i am guilty
?what if i fail to conquer
or don’t measure up?
i am powerless
i am...you?
*

how is it fair to throw us into this dark pool of life without the knowledge of how to save ourselves? “SWIM!” you say when we are not ready

*
how is this love?
how is this noT love?
*
and none of this makes life
(or death)
any easier or less painful
it just makes it…LIFE
*
*
(C) MJ Calitz, 2010