peanut butter sandwich wisdom

here i am, eating
(inhaling)
suNshine
in a peanut butter sandwich
and a pear, my nose pressed
to the sweet and ripe and yellow
*
it’s not that i need sunshine
it’s that i need to fill a hoLe bigger than death
*
like when you realize you have surrounded yourself with people and still find yourself alone
*
or when you chew on a 2 day old conversation with your mother who simply insisted that time should not be wasted and still find yourself hungry. huNgry and guiLty
*
and suddenly peanut butter makes you feel reaL
*
not so floating on a lonely surreal balloon
but here. eating sticky peanut butter
forget the calories
i’m talking spoons full,
even before the toast is done
*
somehow you can’t feel hollow
after eating peanut butter
*
and then she said
i told someone you were my best friend
*
and then he said
i move when i move and i stand still
when i stand still
*
and i realize
life and fruit and grief and friends
have their own rhythm
and it’s oKay
*
*
(C) MJ Calitz, 2010