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Have I talked about mini me's or mini others before?
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So here's the thing...We all have different parts of ourselves...parts that we love and share freely and proudly, parts we'd rather forget and therefore hide or suppress, and parts in between that we're not quite sure what to do with and might show to a selected few. I'm not talking about body parts here. I'm talking about parts of our personalities.
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For instance, you might have a little fat kid inside of you, possibly a big mouth or an addict, probably a critic, a student, a slut (yes, I said a slut). There might be a teacher in you, a perfectionist, a pleaser, a rebel, a victim, a scared kid, an exhibitionist, an artist, a liar, a cheat, a wise elder, a hermit, a wall flower, a selfish brat, a judge, jury and/or executioner, a fighter, a mother, a thief, an obsessive compulsive, a prude, a needy greedy baby, a martyr, an inspiration, a delight (does people often call you "sunshine"?), a too good friend, a bad friend and a just right friend, a poet, an abuser, a temper waiting to explode, a patient angel, a healer, a slacker, a forgiver, a lover, an idiot and/or a genius, a scatter brain, a nerd, a jock, a skinny chick, a "please proceed orderly into the box" kind of person, a leader, a follower, a skeptic, a snob...the list goes on and on. You could have any, all or none of the above personality parts, even when they're contradictory. Each one of us is unique and have our own set of mini people inside, our inner community, if you wish.
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Who of you had the automatic urge to split these up into "good" and "bad?" Don't worry if you did. That's what we were conditioned to do...judge. When we are born, we are showered with other people's believes about ourselves and the world, we get rejected, punished, hurt, maybe even teased or abused as we grow older and as a result, we learn to see the world as a survival obstacle course and we learn that certain behaviors aren't acceptable to those around us. We even develop survival strategies and addictions and personality parts that sometimes land us into much deeper trouble and come with a super sized dose of guilt and shame. So we hide them. We push them down deep into the closets of our mind, shut the door firmly and bolt it to make sure nobody finds out. And here's the interesting part...we project them onto others because we think that if we protest loud enough people will know that we are not that.
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BUT these things have a tendency to pop up anyway and it gets SO much harder to love yourself, even when you're a big success on some levels when you are secretly trying to hide/fight/ignore/punish some part of you that you haven't made peace with. You are the walking wounded with a thick armor making war and/or keeping prisoners inside. HOW do you have the energy to get up in the morning, to face yourself in the mirror, to love any one else? (This question is not meant as a judgment. It is an honest question of genuine concern.) So maybe you're a warrior and you think you're okay (as long as you manage the secret properly of course)...and then what? THEN it turns inside out and starts to attack your body...cancer, weight gain, diabetes, etc and even harder, we live an unauthentic, unhappy life, built on lies and fears and we create unhappy, unhealthy and/or unbalanced relationships. No wonder the world is so sick...and tired. Because pretending to be who we are not (hiding your real self) is not an easy feat, specially if you're pretending to be who someone else wants you to be and keep on failing. And being disgusted by ourselves and punishing ourselves (whether you are conscious of this or not) is not healthy.
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You will never truly be at peace, truly be whole, unless you face your demons, face the parts of you that you have labeled "bad" or "wrong", forgive yourself and learn to love yourself...ALL of you.
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That's a tall order.
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No it's not. Sure it will be a journey which you'll need courage and brutal honesty for, a healing process, and you'll need to give yourself patience and compassion to work through it, because you're doing an awesome thing not only for yourself, but also for those around you.
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Some of you may know right away what I'm talking about and will know exactly which parts of themselves they need to give love or learn to forgive and some of you may never actually have considered it and are doing it on an unconscious level (even then, you need to do this because if you are honest with yourself, maybe you are not truly happy). And some of you might already have walked this path (Well done).
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If you haven't considered this before, sit down with a pen and paper and start naming your parts..."all the parts of me" ...see them as little people (mini me's)...the little fat kid, the little banshee bitch, the little liar, the little poet, the little show off, etc. Don't hold back. List all the parts, good or bad, specially those you've labeled bad. Then look at each of them separately and see their fear and their creativity...see why you "birthed" them and how they were just trying to protect you or help you or numb you or heal you in the best way you could conceive of at the time. Put them each in your heart (there's enough space for everyone) and love them and forgive them, in fact let them hug and forgive each other. Embrace yourself. ALL OF YOU.
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And while you're at it, do the same with people who you love or who've hurt you. Some of them may already be in there without you having to think about it twice and some may seem impossible to ever love or forgive. Do it anyway. Shrink each person to miniature, see their vulnerability, their fears, their hurts, the little kids inside them, their unique offerings both good and bad, and love them all the more for it.
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And every time someone is treating you unkindly or ticking you off do this exercise ...ask yourself, who is really the uncomfortable/guilty one here...Did one of us honestly do something we can improve on next time (and if so how can I react respectfully and compassionately), or is one of us projecting a fear on the other (meaning one of you is triggering a mini me in the other that is protesting too loud and may be lashing out), in which case you shrink the little bugger and love him or her with all your might, before you do or say something you might regret later. This process does not have to be done in the heat of the moment and can be repeated as often as you need to.
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Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be proud of yourself. All of you. Do the same for others. And remember, there is always enough space in your heart for EVERYBODY.
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(C) MJ Calitz, 2012
