just breathe

*
when you feel vulnerable and scared
just breathe
when you feel stretched to your limit
just breathe
when you feel sorrow or disappointment
just breathe
when your body is bruised
your heart is broken
or your soul is searching
just breathe
when the pain gets too much
just breathe
and when you feel like you can’t breathe
…just breathe
*
*
*
(C) Photographs & photo art, MJ Calitz, 2010

raspberry alice

*
i am forever immortalized as alice with raspberry lips on a french girl’s blog
*
and i wonder
am i really
what i say
how i look or
how i am perceived?
*
what if my words are just strings of awkward and whimsical weaved together as poetry…or nothing?
*
who is this alice?
it just sounds so fantastical
welcome to the greatest show on earth!
come see the brave, the rockstar-ish,
the very plastic
alice with raspberry lips!
*
what if i am never her
and what if i am so much more
*
stop. no more plastic. return to earth & sticks & shells
*
i am woman
i am mind and body and soul
yes, weathered by life
& coiled too tightly
but i am real
*
***
*
i don’t need to be defined by anything. not skills or looks. not a poem or a baby. i am enough just as i am. right now
*

*
*
(C) Art & Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2010

bird fluttering

*
is that a little biRd i feel fluttering inside my calm, cracking up my sanity? eggs, eggs and more eggs. she can’t stop talking. stop hoping! I CANNOT LIE. not about this. pills & needles& counting the days forced me to pay attention to the ruthless yearning pecking away at my soul. and not just my soul. no, the core of the SOUL of the soul. does the universe not want this for me? does it not feel the vibrations of my yearning rippling across it’s heart, knocking at the core of everything that is LoVe? little egg. little life. hope that is born & squashed a million times. eat this. noT that. no roller coasters. no sun…no SUN??? i will sacrifice the sun on my skin for a chance to carry life inside my belly…to be a giant egg. a round birdhouse. a belly nest. i cannot wait…no. STOP! don’t hope.
*
i picked up the neighbor’s baby 2 weeks ago. 2 weeKs ago. i can’t forget the feel of his body in my hands…the smoothness of his skin…bone & weight. fragile and yet stronger than i expected. it's not as if i haven't picked up a baby before. wHat did i expect? i didn’t expect to feel nothing and yet remember the moment so vividly. i didn’t expect to feel the fluttering of a bird knocking @ my soul. i didn’t expect to feel EVERYTHING
*
*
(C) Photograph, MJ Calitz, 2010

haiku-ish

*
spring day
walking outside
alive!
*
wicker chair in shade. birds
easter eggs on trees
it's good to breathe
*
dogs barking
airplane passing by
he says my art
is definitely NOT SHY
*
*
(C) MJ Calitz, 2010

ethereal

*
*
*
(C) Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2010

fly anyway

*
i have 3 things for you today. a collage...
*

*
a painting...
*

*
and a poem...
*
fly anyway
*
if she wants to paint eggs, then let her do it. as far as i know, there’s nothing wrong with repetition. in fact it’s quite healing. so what’s in an egg? fertility. opportunities. life. he cracks me up. now everything appears sunny side up. eat toast for breakfast. smile. welcome to your life.
*
it’s just…sometimes i let the yellow push me into premature mourning & i become a human bird at a crossroad inside a cage, bleeding ink, unable to fly. but i forget that i am a butterfly & orange is rising slowly, surely, sacredly in me. so paint your eggs and your numbers, wish on a feather or a full moon & fly. fLy…fly anyway
*
*
(C) art & poetry, MJ Calitz, 2010

enjoy the ride

*
*

it's not about the destination. it never was. it's about the miles you add, feeling the sunshine on you face every now and then & the journey that is uniquely yours. don't try to speed it up. instead, savor every moment that is pure gift & grace...WELCOME TO WHEREVER YOU ARE.
*

*
*
(C) Photograph, MJ Calitz, 2008. Photo edit, MJ, 2010

finding strength

*
*
(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2010

& sunshine in a salad

*
(C) MJ Calitz, 2010

spring on the sidewalk

*
*
*
*

Spring has arrived in Ohio. Yes, we'll still get a few cooler days, some rain, a snow dusting even, but for the most part it's sunny, there's evidence of new growth & green everywhere and people are washing cars and walking outside... It's awesome! Don't you just have so much more energy when the sun is shining? I went for a lovely walk around the neighborhood and big was my delight, when i came across this sidewalk painting, filled with sun & spring. It made me smile. & of course I had to go get my camera and take a few pictures to share with you.

*
I love spring time. It's like my body and soul wakes up from a deep, long hibernation, ready for a new year with new challenges and opportunities. I love feeling the sun on my skin and the breeze in my hair, the taste of fresh fruits and salads, the sound of birdsong and frogs returning and when the flowers open, color and sweet smells everywhere.

*
Of course on the other side of the globe it's autumn...So where ever you are and what ever season you're entering, enjoy the gentle breezes, the beautiful colors and the relief this season brings to you from being too cold or too warm to mellow and gorgeous.
*
*

(C) Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2010

in my skin

*
*
the luxury of skin, he said
and suddenly there’s a little song in my head
& a lot of possibilities in my soul
*
he woke me up. (3 times he. 3 times woke me. 3 times up). whispering. screaming. being. and now i can’t sleep. and now i’m dreaming again. just don’t ask me about the future. because it’s not with you. because it’s not gonna happen that way. because i simply don’t know. i know. it’s not all sleeping in on weekends. and making banana pancakes. and yet. i taste cinnamon. no more broken doll. run. paint. be me. be where i am. on clouds or not. be in my skin
*
the luxury of skin, he said. and now i’m awake. and now i can sleep again. because in my skin is where i am now. and it’s okay
*
*
(C) Art & poem, MJ Calitz, 2010

new growth

*
*
(C) Art (watercolor & color pencil on paper), MJ Calitz, 2010

the road you're on

*
*

here's my message for today: sometimes you just gotta keep pedaling the road you're on, even if it gets rocky (then you pedal extra hard until the worst is over), because it's where you're supposed to be. and if you fall off, get up & move on. ask for help when you need it. feed your body & your soul. and don't think other people's roads are so much easier, we all have our own obstacles and easy stretches. my mom always say, "life is not for sissies."

*
*
(C) Photograph, MJ Calitz, 2008

egg nesting

*
*
(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2010

coffee kiss

*
it was a very innocent kiss
like happy birthday
or congratulations
*
but
her lips were warm and soFt and tasted like coffee
*
oR
she kissed me with her warm coffee sipped lips melting over & in. in. in. the world stopped spinning. and for a definitive moment, eVerything made sense
*
afterwards
nothing
felt
right
again
excePt
drinking coffee
*
it’s funny then that I doN’t
drink a lot of coffee

*
*
(C) Poem, MJ Calitz, 2010. Photo art, MJ Calitz, 2008

shift your gaze

*
sometimes you just got to change your perspective. instead of sitting under water and feeling like you're drowning, get out and see the unexpected treasures hidden below
*
Ps. it's slowly warming up here in Ohio. spRing iS neaR! have a sunny weekend. mj.xxx
*
(C) Photograph taken in Florida, MJ Calitz, 2009

noT so pretty

*
*
i eat. i run
i paint
i scream iNside
*

sometimes i get fRustrated. i could eat my fingers. mustard is the flavor of my chicken dinner. mustard is the color of my walls. i cannot breathe. black holes suCk me in. i spiral out of control. i crash. i bleed all over this page

*

someone once said that our feelings are the compasses of our souls

*
shh! listen...
*
dRaw a line in the sand
draw green circles of hoPe
& sign my naMe
*
*
(C) Art & Poem, MJ Calitz, 2010

universal yearning

*
*
yesterday i remembered that i wrote this (in 2008) and i keep coming back to it as if drawn by an invisible eye
*
*
i want to press my face against your neck inhale your scent press my lips against your skin want to hug you long and deep feeling like i'm home & safe. i want to touch my lips to yours touch my tongue to yours & softly lightly graze until we feel the need to go deeper & go there. i want to play with you have a pillow fight build a castle from cola cans and straws. i wanna eat with you. cottage pie. ice cream on cones. cheese on thick slices of wholesome warm bread & drink tea at the kitchen table with you. with you. i want to write poetry with you read love poetry to you listen to you play guitar. i wanna go somewhere (anywhere) with you & take hundreds of pictures talk angle zoom, learn from you. i want to sit in a bubble bath with you build beards talk fears dreams heart things. i want to watch movies with you snuggle into your shoulder my hair tickling your nose. listen to you get passionate about music. philosophize about life love. i wanna hold victoria secret angel shows for you paint your toenails pink fall asleep holding your hand. i want to catch you staring at me. kiss your nose…
*
*

today, unexpectedly, i saw your funny face again and i marveled at the inner workings of the universe

*
ps. the picture might not make sense to you, but it reminded me of a time and a feeling...
*
(C) Photograph & poem, MJ Calitz, 2008

purple soul

*
*
*
*

purple girl. i am entangled in you. i am stitched into your tattoos. i am sucked into your maelstrom of melancholy & pleasure. each day is like riding on a strange carousel of horses & dreams. & sometimes i freeze, i whisper, i scream. & sometimes i dance on the graves of my unborn babies. i dare to say this because i have bled too many times. i will not fear my fears. i will not sneer at my weaknesses. i will not hide behind their stares any longer

*
come dance with me
soul sisters & broken souls
sing, tease & cry
bring your graves & your carousels
bring your twirls & your decay
together we will mend our wounds
licked & kicked
our worlds
ripped & stitched
together we will survive
*
some souls are purple flowers
& no matter how we fall
all we want to do is heal
*
*

(C) Photograph, MJ Calitz, 2009. Poem & photo art, MJ Calitz, 2010

add a little red

*
how to warm up your day when it's snowing outside:
(a) sit at your kitchen table (or cuddle in a comfy chair) & read a hot blooded cowboy romance while drinking a nice warm cup of tea (be sure to eat whatever homemade delicacy feeds your soul).
*
(b) imagine yourself inside a giant bubble filled with fresh air, sunshine & birdsong. breathe.
*
(c) shimmy, shake & grin your way through a bollywood dance routine. it's huge fun!
*
*
keep warm my fellow winter friends
(we're almost there)
mj
xxx
Ps. i just noticed that i have a lot of snowy pictures with red in them. here's 3 of my favorites...
*

*
*
*
*

(C) Photographs & photo art, MJ Calitz, 2009 & 2010

suN is near

*
...tWo blogs in one day :P

*

*
too much snow
*
this bRoken lullaby. this suNless soul. tears, fears, dreams, hopes. aches & screams. i stitch them aLL together with sticky fingers writing hoMe. whaT do you caRe what kind of needle i stick into my veins when you’re knitting your oWn song?
*
i cringe
i cringe for you sometimes
i envy
i wish
*
i wish
*
i wish
*
& wHat to dO with hopes swimming in fear & dreams seWn inTo my eaRs
*
time. time. drink ginger & cinnamon tea. chamomile me. sew. sew. no more snow! no more broken. no more.
*
i wrote this poem
*
count the days…suN
sun is near
*
*
(C) Poem & photograph, MJ Calitz, 2010

yellow and orange, red, pink and green

in a world that looks like THIS (i took this picture standing in my backyard last week), only whiter still every day...
*

*
i felt like adding some color...like beads and ribbons...
*

*
embroidery threads...
*

*
bright yellow suns...
*

*
an adorable snowman my friend Heather crocheted for me...
*

*
& two hearts (for the valentines day inclined) that i painted on mini 4x4x1 & quarter inch canvases and embellished with beads. (it's not even signed yet.)
*

*
this winter has been unusually snowy. i cannot wait for spring to arrive. may you find color in all your winter days.
*
be well
mj
*
*
(C) phototgraphs & art, MJ Calitz, 2010

a little rusty

*

some days i feel like this old car. all rusty & tired. but then i remember to dance & paint & talk to friends and i feel much better.
*
*
(C) Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2009

in cupcake fields

here's another painting i started last year and finished this year. it's acrylics on 8x8 canvas board. i cut the bunnies from photographs i took last year. painted the cupcake between layers of gloss gel to give it a little more depth and finished with a layer of gloss gel on top to seal it.

*

*

when i started the painting i wrote this poem...

*
i ate my words. swallowed them down with 9 songs of calamity each one as bittersweet as a giant cupcake crammed down my throat. i hide. i hide from myself. that’s why i don’t write or visit or dance. white rabbits hop through vast fields of snow white icing eating chocolate coated lies. i hide. i eat my words…silence. silence & sugar.
*
sometimes i eat cupcakes & sometimes i eat my heart. but this time, i ate my words
*
*
(C) Poem, MJ Calitz, 2008. Art MJ Calitz, 2010

birds & applesauce

*
Last year i got this idea to paint on card board packaging. so i flattened an applesauce box, glued it to a piece of paper and painted on it. Then i stamped birds on it & forgot it in the pile of unfinished paintings.
*
Last week i decided it needed to be finished. Actually, i decided it WAS finished, all it needed was a signature and a little hardware. So i signed it, glued it to a piece of hard board and added bolts, nuts and wire to hang it on my art wall. There. Done.
*
*
(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2010

air

*
i wasn't going to do a blog today, but then this phrase popped into my head and refused to leave. so here...
*
sometimes, when i feel like i can't breathe, she neutralizes the air like a lovely spray of oxygen
*
...i know, it's not very good writing. but it's the truth. and i don't know why i chose these photographs to accompany this awkward little phrase. but i did. so there.
*
love & healing
mj
*
*
(C) Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2008

go with the flow

*
this painting is about fertility & mystery... trusting the flow of life... but also trusting the flow of my paint brush.
*

i am growing more patient with my art... not rushing into it so much & wanting it to be perfectly done on the first sitting, feeling frustrated if it is not. no...i stop after the initial burst of creativity and walk away. i stare at it multiple times, soaking up it's energy, letting it brew inside me. and i only pick up the brush again when i feel the urge deep inside me without any of the anxiety or the expectation for it to be perfect. i also find that i like working on more than one "project" at once because if i feel the pull to be creative and one piece requires drying time or walking away, i can move on to another one without losing momentum and it is quite surprising to see how the creative energy from working on one project feeds the next.

*
for this painting i used acrylics on 11 x 14 canvas. i glazed 80% of the painting with bronze or silver to give it the shine of fairy dust and added a little fabric flower.
*
*
(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2010

naked

*

imagine being a naked porcelain doll with no arms and a price tag around your neck displayed behind a glass window...this is how i feel some days.

*
*
(C) photographs MJ Calitz, 2008

i.curl

*
*
(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2010

toasted cheese moments

*
I am not addicted to shoes or cigarettes or chocolates.
*
I am addicted to toasted ham & cheese sandwiches. It doesn't really matter if it's ham or turkey or even chicken. Come to think of it, roast beef is fine too. The important part is the cheese…warm and stringy, melting my senses until I am all gooey inside. Yum!
*
Of course my mother has warned me on several occasions how bad melted cheese is for the human body (primarily the thighs in my experience), but do I listen? No, because every one is allowed at least one "bad for you" addiction, yes? At least that's what I tell myself… [Insert "goofy grin" here]
*
It might not be good for the body, but trust me, it is good for the soul to do something you're not supposed to do every now and then. It's just a little bit of healthy rebelling…the thing that makes you feel like you're a person making your own choices. It doesn't matter if your life feels like a lie or everything around you comes crumbling down around your ankles, at least you are in control of this one thing and it makes you feel alive.
*
Childish? Hell, yes! But who cares?
*
Some of you might be shaking your heads in disapproval right now, but come on. You know I'm not talking about the big addictions… the kind that derails and destroys. No, I'm talking about the harmless ones…the ones that Armande from the movie "Chocolat" talked about when she said, "Don't worry so much about supposed to's."
*
So…when you are supposed to be sweating through a fitness dvd or doing the laundry, sometimes it's okay to sit down with a toasted cheese sandwich, a mug of sweet tea and a romance novel you picked up for $2 the previous day and lose yourself in the pleasure of the moment. In fact, it's more than okay.
*
Have a beautiful day.
*
PS. the afghan you see in the picture was a gift, handmade by my friend Heather.

*
*
(C) MJ Calitz, 2010

love birds

*
*
(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2010

snow & ducks

*

i took these pictures sunday morning at creekside park. christmas decorations, frozen waterfalls, lights hanging like miniature lanterns from trees, ducks, swans and squirrels and snow everywhere made it a winter wonderland.

*
*
*
*
(C) Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2010

secret garden

*
*
I have learned that being an artist involves lots of staring, both at art and life. Vincent van Gogh said: "It's looking at things for a long time that ripens you and gives you a deeper understanding." Yes, I have quoted this here before. Sometimes I repeat myself…in case you didn't hear me the first time…or just because I can :-P
*
I use to think there was something wrong with me, because I stare at things…specially after I've created something new. I tend to sit and stare at it for long periods of time. One could say that I fall in love with my creations…some only for a few minutes and some forever. (I sometimes wonder if this is normal and if it happens with all artists…I think it is and it does but not everyone will admit it, because it seems narcistic.)
*
I predict that this one will keep my attention for a long long time & I am proud to say that I adore this little piece of art, which I call "my secret garden". There are lollipop trees, butterflies, easter eggs & all kinds of blooms turning this painting into a miniature magic world for me. I hope you like it too.
*
It is an 8x8 muslin square, painted & layered with tulle, with decorative stitching & multi media elements. I have decided to make an art quilt with these square paintings when I have the desired amount of squares to choose from. For some reason this makes me feel very proud.
*
Have a magic weekend
MJ
xxx
*
*
(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2010

snow snOw snoW & extraordinary life

*
snowman greetings from a cold and very snowy ohio! i hope you had a lovely holiday. my wish for this new year is that everyone will grow a little more to become the person they wish to be and find inner peace along the way. be healthy and be happy. and whether you see rain or snow or green leaves or tiny flowers outside your window, know that it's all just little vessels carrying my wish to you.
*
*
right now i am reading "the time traveler's wife" by audrey niffenegger. it is an extraordinary love story about two extraordinary people finding their way to each other and through life. i am amazed that in a very short period it is the second extraordinary love story i have "witnessed"...the first being "the curios case of benjamin button." if you haven't seen this movie yet, please do yourself a favor and watch it. it's not a pretty story. but it is a beautiful story. and although i am not finished with the book yet, both of these stories have touched me deeply and reminded me that just being alive is extraordinary in itself but above and beyond that...life and love will find a way.

*
*

sometimes i wish i could undo something i did or said, specially when i hurt someone in the process, but i realize that it is all part of a bigger plan and there are forces at work beyond our comprehension. and that in the end things will be the way they are supposed to be.
*
*
have a beautiful year
snowy kisses
mj
*
*
(C) Photograph, MJ Calitz, 2010