a little rusty

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some days i feel like this old car. all rusty & tired. but then i remember to dance & paint & talk to friends and i feel much better.
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(C) Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2009

in cupcake fields

here's another painting i started last year and finished this year. it's acrylics on 8x8 canvas board. i cut the bunnies from photographs i took last year. painted the cupcake between layers of gloss gel to give it a little more depth and finished with a layer of gloss gel on top to seal it.

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when i started the painting i wrote this poem...

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i ate my words. swallowed them down with 9 songs of calamity each one as bittersweet as a giant cupcake crammed down my throat. i hide. i hide from myself. that’s why i don’t write or visit or dance. white rabbits hop through vast fields of snow white icing eating chocolate coated lies. i hide. i eat my words…silence. silence & sugar.
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sometimes i eat cupcakes & sometimes i eat my heart. but this time, i ate my words
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(C) Poem, MJ Calitz, 2008. Art MJ Calitz, 2010

birds & applesauce

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Last year i got this idea to paint on card board packaging. so i flattened an applesauce box, glued it to a piece of paper and painted on it. Then i stamped birds on it & forgot it in the pile of unfinished paintings.
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Last week i decided it needed to be finished. Actually, i decided it WAS finished, all it needed was a signature and a little hardware. So i signed it, glued it to a piece of hard board and added bolts, nuts and wire to hang it on my art wall. There. Done.
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(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2010

air

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i wasn't going to do a blog today, but then this phrase popped into my head and refused to leave. so here...
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sometimes, when i feel like i can't breathe, she neutralizes the air like a lovely spray of oxygen
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...i know, it's not very good writing. but it's the truth. and i don't know why i chose these photographs to accompany this awkward little phrase. but i did. so there.
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love & healing
mj
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(C) Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2008

go with the flow

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this painting is about fertility & mystery... trusting the flow of life... but also trusting the flow of my paint brush.
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i am growing more patient with my art... not rushing into it so much & wanting it to be perfectly done on the first sitting, feeling frustrated if it is not. no...i stop after the initial burst of creativity and walk away. i stare at it multiple times, soaking up it's energy, letting it brew inside me. and i only pick up the brush again when i feel the urge deep inside me without any of the anxiety or the expectation for it to be perfect. i also find that i like working on more than one "project" at once because if i feel the pull to be creative and one piece requires drying time or walking away, i can move on to another one without losing momentum and it is quite surprising to see how the creative energy from working on one project feeds the next.

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for this painting i used acrylics on 11 x 14 canvas. i glazed 80% of the painting with bronze or silver to give it the shine of fairy dust and added a little fabric flower.
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(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2010

naked

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imagine being a naked porcelain doll with no arms and a price tag around your neck displayed behind a glass window...this is how i feel some days.

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(C) photographs MJ Calitz, 2008

i.curl

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(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2010

toasted cheese moments

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I am not addicted to shoes or cigarettes or chocolates.
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I am addicted to toasted ham & cheese sandwiches. It doesn't really matter if it's ham or turkey or even chicken. Come to think of it, roast beef is fine too. The important part is the cheese…warm and stringy, melting my senses until I am all gooey inside. Yum!
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Of course my mother has warned me on several occasions how bad melted cheese is for the human body (primarily the thighs in my experience), but do I listen? No, because every one is allowed at least one "bad for you" addiction, yes? At least that's what I tell myself… [Insert "goofy grin" here]
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It might not be good for the body, but trust me, it is good for the soul to do something you're not supposed to do every now and then. It's just a little bit of healthy rebelling…the thing that makes you feel like you're a person making your own choices. It doesn't matter if your life feels like a lie or everything around you comes crumbling down around your ankles, at least you are in control of this one thing and it makes you feel alive.
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Childish? Hell, yes! But who cares?
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Some of you might be shaking your heads in disapproval right now, but come on. You know I'm not talking about the big addictions… the kind that derails and destroys. No, I'm talking about the harmless ones…the ones that Armande from the movie "Chocolat" talked about when she said, "Don't worry so much about supposed to's."
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So…when you are supposed to be sweating through a fitness dvd or doing the laundry, sometimes it's okay to sit down with a toasted cheese sandwich, a mug of sweet tea and a romance novel you picked up for $2 the previous day and lose yourself in the pleasure of the moment. In fact, it's more than okay.
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Have a beautiful day.
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PS. the afghan you see in the picture was a gift, handmade by my friend Heather.

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(C) MJ Calitz, 2010

love birds

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(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2010

snow & ducks

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i took these pictures sunday morning at creekside park. christmas decorations, frozen waterfalls, lights hanging like miniature lanterns from trees, ducks, swans and squirrels and snow everywhere made it a winter wonderland.

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(C) Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2010

secret garden

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I have learned that being an artist involves lots of staring, both at art and life. Vincent van Gogh said: "It's looking at things for a long time that ripens you and gives you a deeper understanding." Yes, I have quoted this here before. Sometimes I repeat myself…in case you didn't hear me the first time…or just because I can :-P
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I use to think there was something wrong with me, because I stare at things…specially after I've created something new. I tend to sit and stare at it for long periods of time. One could say that I fall in love with my creations…some only for a few minutes and some forever. (I sometimes wonder if this is normal and if it happens with all artists…I think it is and it does but not everyone will admit it, because it seems narcistic.)
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I predict that this one will keep my attention for a long long time & I am proud to say that I adore this little piece of art, which I call "my secret garden". There are lollipop trees, butterflies, easter eggs & all kinds of blooms turning this painting into a miniature magic world for me. I hope you like it too.
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It is an 8x8 muslin square, painted & layered with tulle, with decorative stitching & multi media elements. I have decided to make an art quilt with these square paintings when I have the desired amount of squares to choose from. For some reason this makes me feel very proud.
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Have a magic weekend
MJ
xxx
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(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2010

snow snOw snoW & extraordinary life

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snowman greetings from a cold and very snowy ohio! i hope you had a lovely holiday. my wish for this new year is that everyone will grow a little more to become the person they wish to be and find inner peace along the way. be healthy and be happy. and whether you see rain or snow or green leaves or tiny flowers outside your window, know that it's all just little vessels carrying my wish to you.
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right now i am reading "the time traveler's wife" by audrey niffenegger. it is an extraordinary love story about two extraordinary people finding their way to each other and through life. i am amazed that in a very short period it is the second extraordinary love story i have "witnessed"...the first being "the curios case of benjamin button." if you haven't seen this movie yet, please do yourself a favor and watch it. it's not a pretty story. but it is a beautiful story. and although i am not finished with the book yet, both of these stories have touched me deeply and reminded me that just being alive is extraordinary in itself but above and beyond that...life and love will find a way.

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sometimes i wish i could undo something i did or said, specially when i hurt someone in the process, but i realize that it is all part of a bigger plan and there are forces at work beyond our comprehension. and that in the end things will be the way they are supposed to be.
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have a beautiful year
snowy kisses
mj
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(C) Photograph, MJ Calitz, 2010

cherish the moment

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"a little smile, a word of cheer,

a bit of love for someone near,

a little gift from one held dear,

best wishes for the coming year."

- John Greenleaf Whittier -

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"I wish we could put some of the Christmas spirit in jars, and open a jar of it every month."

- Harlan Miller -

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MERRY CHRISTMAS

May your Christmas be filled with love & precious memories. Stop running around. Forget about finding the best gift or cooking the perfect dish or decorating the prettiest tree. Instead, this year, remember & cherish the simple meaningful moments shared with loved ones both gone and here. that's all we really have.

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be safe & be loved

mj

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(C) Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2009

the christmas door

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what a lovely day for a walk, alice thought one sunny october morning and promptly grabbed her furry boots and her camera. she marveled in the rich colors of the season. it looked like all the trees in the world were dipped in sunshine & pumpkin. but then she turned a corner and suddenly she saw it...a christmas door in the middel of autumn. how festive, she thought and took a few pictures just in case nobody believed her...and that is the story of the christmas door.

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(C) Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2009

iNside you

I have a long blog for you today. A little bit of art & a little bit of soul.

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My friend Heather asked me to paint a canvas for her bedroom. She redecorated the room and needed something new to hang above her bed. I felt very excited about this. The fact that someone wanted to hang my art in an intimate space like their bedroom and more so that she trusted me to paint something she'd like. Because she said I could paint anything I wanted to. That's a big request.
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I thought about it for a while and then decided that I wanted to give her something soft and dreamy…something feminine. So I picked blues and grays and creams that would fit in with her decor, a little chocolate and a little silver…and without thinking about it too much, instinctively painted this…

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…with all the drying time included I finished it in 3 and a half days. It's 24 x 36 inches. And I used acrylics and a wooden word that I originally thought about using as a stamp. I painted 90% of it with an old credit card and the rest with the back of a paintbrush, except for the word, which I painted layering different colors until I got the desired effect and attached to the canvas with gloss gel.
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I have always been shy and a little possessive / protective with my art and I thought it would be hard to let go of it (this is the first painting to leave my house), but to my surprise it was easy and joyful and I feel light and accomplished. And suddenly I'm more relaxed about my art too, not just to let it go, but also what I do and how. I've learned to trust my instincts more and not to worry so much about the outcome and what others may expect of me. I've said this before, but now I feel it too.
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Here is the second thing I wanted to blog about...
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There comes times in our lives when we feel like we need to do something. something that is right. something that can also be painful. Whether it be ending a chapter in your life, starting something new or telling the truth.
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I have come to such a point in my life. I was not happy. In fact I was down right depressed and felt like I was literally in pain for months. it took so much energy just to get up in the morning and pretend that I was fine that I stopped doing things that mattered to me & things that brought me joy. And I clung to the wrong things. And I thought I had to make this big move to heal all this.
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I had it all figured out and was ready to make my move. But it wasn't the answer. The answer was right in front of me…was one of those things that I have known, but didn't want to know. and one morning in the shower it all became very clear to me and I knew what I had to do. I had to let something go and I needed to become fully present in my life. Yes, I know, this is another thing that I have said before, but have never felt so clearly before. It was one of those things you know and yet you have to get there yourself before you can do it. It was hard and I feel sad and sorry that I hurt someone in the process. But I know that this was the right thing to do because suddenly I feel calm and strong and light. And for the first time in a while, I feel real hope again.
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So here is a little painting, a little poem & a little soul talk...
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find your balance
find your strength
find your artist
inside
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find your kindness
and your forgiveness
find your respect
inside
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inside
inside
inside
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find yourself
inside
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REMEMBER:
Your strength lies iNside you. Others have only as much power over you as you give them.
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Whatever you do, always be true to yourself, respect yourself and speak your truth.
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When you doubt yourself, tell yourself "I can do this," "I did my best," or "I am enough."
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TruSt your instincts.
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If you feel like you've done something unforgivable, forgive yourself & let it make you stronger.
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And the biggest present you can give yourself is to bE present in your life. If you are always stuck in the past or worried about the future, you are missing your life. Time is precious.
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YOu are precious.

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I will see if I can find some Christmas-y photographs to share with you on my next blog.
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mistletoe & santa kisses,
mj
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(C) MJ Calitz, 2009

birds of a feather

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acrylics, water colors, oil pastels, ink, permanent marker, paper, threads, ribbons & feather on 8 x 8 muslin square

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(C) MJ Calitz, 2009

blue

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this is one of the paintings i call my "2 minute paintings." it didn't really took just 2 minutes, but i sometimes sit down and my hands start moving and when i'm done it seems like only 2 minutes have gone by. so. anyway, i love the background color. it's called unbleached white.

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(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2009

my happy tree

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this is what i did last weekend. i put bows on the baby maple tree in my back yard. white bows. yellow bows. red bows. shiffon bows & denim bows. now, everytime i look at my back yard, i see a happy tree & i smile

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(C) Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2009

juSt me

My self confidence as an artist took a nose dive this past few weeks.
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Why? You ask.
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I call myself an artist, a poet, a photographer. And yet it feels like I have nothing to show for it sometimes.
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There comes a point in every artists work where you think "Oh no, I went too far or I messed it up."…OR you do something "brilliant" and you're too scared to mess that up, so you stop before it's done...OR you lose your "message"…which is to say, you lose your reason to create. (& which is also a subject worth it's own investigation but we won't go into all that now.) Well, here's the thing, I have 7 (SEVEN!) unfinished paintings & collages in my craft room right now. (...why am I suddenly scared of my own craft room?)
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I haven't written a poem in ages. It's like the words are all scrambled inside my head and won't come out right and the longer I'm silent, the harder it gets. This is a big problem for me but I'm ignoring it…it's like the elephant in the room no one will talk about, but every one knows is there…I have a word elephant.
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And then my very technical husband, bless his soul, bought a new camera and is suddenly IN LOVE with photography. This is good, yes? Yes, because at last he is interested in something creative that we can share and maybe it will make him less impatient with me when we're on vacation and I want to take a million photographs. And no, because…well, because he's so much better at it than me, being the technical whiz that he is. And I've never been very technical. Terms like "shutter speed" and "aperture" are not in my vocabulary (or my trick bag for that matter) and one of my favorite special effects in photography is taking pictures into the sun, which any photographer worth his salt will tell you is a no no.
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So we go on a hike the other day taking both our cameras and I feel good. I feel exhilarated. (I take the million pictures.) But when I get home, I discover that most of my pictures have a lens reflected somewhere in it, because my husband suggested that I use a UV filter, which I have never used before. My first instinct (being a little scared and a lot stubborn) was to say no, because I get along just fine without it, thank you. But then I think, why not try something new? Maybe it helps me to take better pictures. But it doesn't, and I end up disappointed and frustrated, posting, deleting and settling…which, this blog is NOT about. This blog is about shining.
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And then to top it all, we spend Thanksgiving with friends. After the meal we hang out at the table talking, playing games and eventually drawing with crayons (which we used during the games). And my friends' daughter sketches a beautiful, delicate, realistic portrait of a goth girl in minutes (WITH A CRAYON!), no sweat, while I draw bold, childlike hearts, flowers and suns on my page. My friend says I'm searching, because I fill the blank spaces in between with swirls & curls.
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My poor artist ego…after all that. And what do I do? I hide under soft blankets, bundles of laundry and a stack of books. Not to diminish the value of a nap, clean clothes or reading a good book…but, wow! what a silly girl I sometimes am.
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So here I am. No painting, No photograph. No poem. Just me. And I have to remember that I am enough (even though I seem very small right now).
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MJ Calitz, 2009

i love books

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for a lot of people books are like old friends and if you ask them, they will tell you that books are full of soul. to see them. touch them. smell them. read them. they take you to other worlds. fantastic worlds. dark worlds. magical worlds. romantic worlds. the words. crawl into your mind and touch places deep inside. they spark thoughts. make you smile, make you cry. books don't mind who you are. it doesn't matter if you're rich or poor, happy or sad, have a degree or a fancy job. they don't ask why you read them. or where. or how. as long as you choose to read them, books will be there for you.

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i found these at a half price bookstore last week, some of them only $2. for me it starts with the cover. if it pulls me in, i'll pick it up and read the back to decide if i'm interested or not. and the answer to "what do you read?" will change from day to day, depending on my state of mind...it can be romance, drama, mystery & crime, whimsical, biography, short stories, poetry, spiritual, self improvement, arst & crafts, english or afrikaans, even a stephen king horror every now and then. it doesn't matter. as long as i always have a book close by...pst. here's a little secret...bookstores make me happy. deeply happy.

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i wish for you always to find the book that you need to read at that moment in time.

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hope you had a lovely thanksgiving.

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(C) Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2009

sunsoaked berries

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(C) Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2009

balancing on paintbrushes

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this is one of those unplanned paintings that started with cleaning paint brushes & ended in the realization that there's a crazy kind of balance in my life & that i am loved. this is why i love art. it feeds the soul.

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[this painting: acrylics, water colors, oil pastels & permanent markers on muslin with stitched border]

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(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2009

be kind to yourself

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whenever you doubt yourself, even when you think you should have done better, or know you have in the past, acknowledge that you did your best aT tHat mOmenT...and let that be enough.

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(C) Photoart, MJ Calitz, 2009

sit cross legged

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let your thoughts float away...
& breathe
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(C) Photograph, MJ Calitz, 2008

fill me up

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last night i had this urge to fill a page with oil pastel color. no plan or theme...just fill it up with color. so i sat down and i started coloring until the page was no longer white. no white anywhere. just abundant color everywhere. what does that mean? i don't know. but i feel better. maybe i just needed to empty my mind. that's the beauty of creating...when you start to concentrate on the art, you forget about everything else...time fades. and so does stress. i like to think of it as constructive meditation.

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i did the piece below earlier in the weekend. it's all about identity. how you see yourself. how others see you. how you think others see you. do you let what you do, what you say or what you wear influence who you are or the other way around? what defines you? (what's inside or what others see and know about you), etc. what you don't see on this picture is that the whole piece is covered by a layer or gloss gel, making it shiny like plastic. i also used color pencils and acrylics.

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(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2009

sharp & bubbly

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i predict that you'll see a lot more of this bunny in my art. i adore it. this piece was quick, spontaneous and fun.
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(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2009

i promise

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for me, weddings are celebrations of love, family & ethereal beauty. this one was no exception.

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congratulations Ricky & Julie. & thank you for inviting us to share in your special day.

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[again, please excuse the quality of the resized uploads. unfortunately, i don't have control over how that turns out. & some of these pics are blurry either by accident or on purpose but i think it gives them a more dreamy look.]
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so why is the title of this post, "i promise" and not "i do?" i found this quote on a website for "famous wedding quotes" (of all places!) and of course i had to use it :-P

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[Christopher Robin to Pooh]

"Pooh, promise me you won't forget about me, ever. Not even when i am a hundred."
Pooh thought for a little while.

"How old shall i be then?"

"Ninety-nine."

Pooh nodded. "i promise," he said.

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(C) All photographs, MJ Calitz, 2009

walking tall

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sometimes we feel small...be it in a new job environment, attending a big function when you only know two or three other people there, or stepping into your own skin. we can't help but question our value and coming up short somedays. but here's the thing...remember WHO you are. remember that you are worthy just because you exist and that you have just as much right to BE as anybody else, no matter who they are...so, walk tall my friends. walk with the elephants and horses. & have a great weekend.

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(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2009

it makes you thirsty

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then alice climbed the spiral stairs. where does it lead? she wondered. she got so lost in that thought that everything else faded away...

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& before she knew it, she had reached the top of the stairs. to her surprise, she found a field of psychedelic flowers. how curious, she thought & promptly sat down for a sandwich & a sip of tea.

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(C) Words & Photoart, MJ Calitz

remember to

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love yourself

no matter what

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another muslin square painting - acrylics, water colors, metallic markers, embellishments & stitching. mini fairy painting - acrylics & metallic marker on wax paper...yes! wax paper. i have no idea if this will stay, but that's the idea of these paintings...to experiment & learn :-P

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& an e-mail from my friend john is the inspiration for posting this photograph. i found these books in a gift shop and sneaked a pic opportunity. heh. (have fun working in the bookshop john...)

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(C) Art & Photograph, MJ Calitz, 2009