stringed

(oil pastels & water colors, 2008)

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red balloon i send my heaRt to you with stringed kisses stringed cheese stringed thoughts meLting into lips dripping i driNk you like ice tea sand castles blowing sand over my i. eyes blinking sLow. some days the ice even melts & i wonder wHy i wanted to fly. sun is warm. then he trips me aGain. & again. then he loves me daisy petals fLying…he loves me he loves me not yoU love me you love me nOt. how could you? when i'm so here sO uNlovable some days someone else's days. not me. me. aLways me. what else can i do than live in the moment…and sTill i fly…to you. how could i noT? trains & cheese & songs playing in my head. i take pictures for you i write books for you i drink you like thiRsty tea and soFt pillows. sand castles blowing sand in my i…

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(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2008

i'm baCK!

(picture taken at the beach in San Francisco, 2008)

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hello everyone!

i 'm back from my trip and home alone again...yay!

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wow, what a trip! i saw...the mall of america in minneapolis, mount rushmore, yellowstone, the badlands, the mojave desert (including great basin), san francisco (including alcatraz and the golden gate bridge), LA, hollywood (walk of fame), universal studios, famous beaches like venice's muscle beach, santa monica pier & malibu, back to the desert, through joshua tree, death valley (so hOt!) and the bright lights of las vegas, route 66, the grand canyon and monument valley...we drove through 16 states! don't even ask me how many miles. i took a million pictures too. this one is probably my moSt favorite and yes, that is my handwriting and those are my footprints in the sand...

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it's good to be back...

to all who visit here...

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tHis bloG will nOt bE uPdaTed for tHe neXt 6 weeKs

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i'm entertaining guests form south africa & going on a cross country trip all the way to california and back including such beautiful places as the grand canyon and las vegas. hopefully i'll take lots of stunning pictures and share them with you when i get back.

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iN tHe meaN tiMe, pLeasE feeL fRee to viSit thiS spAce as oFten as yOu waNt and i'll sEe yoU wHen i seE YOu...

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xoxoxo
mj
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life's too short

(oil pastels & water colors, 2008)

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i'm falling falling into your heart like a little star finding home...

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watch this movie: garden state

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new songs in my ear:

bright eyes - first day of my life

regina spector - samson / fidelity / better

damien rice - the blower's daughter

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fragile

(oil pastels & water colors, 2008)

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scab

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we run. separately
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but. every time i hit a milestone. or you hit one. i remember. i remember darkness in the room. i remember dolls & pretty dresses. i remember your clammy fingers. everywhere. shame is a planet far from here. and i am a fairy princess living there. i am not from this world. nor will i ever be. i fly. pie! pie! the king says, bake me a cherry pie with baby cherries. fresh & sweet. sing me a song. weep me a garden. only pink flowers grow there. snow white sheep nuzzle my cheek. i hug them deep. soft & safe. you will never reach me here. i nap under shady trees. i sing
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why?
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why? does it sometimes feel like i'm picking a scab that's already healed. why does it bleed?
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so you're walking down the aisle again
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who cares

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(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2008

you. i breathe

(poem & dual brush pens, 2008)

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i bReathe the uNcut flowers grOwing in your soul. grow groW she whiSpers drEams. coMe fill my ear. i drink you tHirsty with grins gRowing roots in laUghing wrinkles kiSsed my eyes. your whiMsical heaRt is fertile ground is bEautifully siLLy jokes is sWeet warm tea nourishing my fAiry berry dreams liFting me up up uP. i aM the sUn. sunrays nO greys. just yelloW blooms filling my nose kiSsing both iLashes with petalled fiNger aFternoons. tea? 4for 2two. pOpcorn & winged cocoons. yOu pull me iN you sPin me deep stuCk in favorite cookie trees. leaves rustle my kNees. you plaNt me like an uN cut fLower. yoU. i breathe

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(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2008

not an oil painting

(photo edit with water colors in background, 2008)

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he's not an oil painting
my mother would say
of men who didn't look
like pretty boys
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i've had oil paintings before
but they just don't fit me
because i guess i'm
a crayon kind of girl
who likes
to get her hands dirty
every so once in a while

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(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2008

sTar

(water colors, oil pastels & ink, 2008)

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visited

(photo taken & edited, 2008)

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i sensed rather than saw there in the corner a dark angel hanging upside down from the ceiling of my room tea stained wings folded like a cocoon silent screams piercing my soul with electric guitars screeching within eyes the color of ice water stabbing searching my soul. for what? did they think me a threat. little me? why? i could barely fathom the magnitude the expanse of the surface skimmed unconnected morsels weaved inside a web of too much. & for a minute half awake i cringed my fear swallowing me in a sea of hell inside my heart beating like an injured bird inside my hand. & for a second i believed it was real. i saw you too. you felt it in your dreams.
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and to this day, angel of death or angel of truth or just a half dreamt up vision going "poof." i still don't know. but this i do. after that winter i wasn't so scared anymore

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(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2008

i am a flower too

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when he was just a boy, he thought...

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i think that's sweet

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because i wasn't always the pretty flower...

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but i chose to grow roots

& i'm blooming lovely now
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(painting: mj, oilpastels & watercolors, 2008

photograph: me, age 8, i think

card: "blooming lovely" b. downes)

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the official "just because i care spur of the moment" card that i could frame from the best roommate ever! (we didn't plan this) love you babe! Stellenbosch, 1996
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thaNk yOu So mucH (!) for aLL the heaRtfelt wisHes & pReseNts 4 my BiRtHdaY, yeSterDay. y'all R 2 sPeciAL 2 me
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heartsong

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they say you should write about what you know
well, here's what i know
me, always wanting to live in a fairytale
and you, always saying it ain't so
and i'm not saying you're wrong
but maybe i don't always want to be strong
maybe i don't want to be strong
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and i know the earth is round
and i know that my feet belong on the ground
but sometimes i wish i could fly
or be a star up in the sky
because my heart just wants to be loved
oh, my heart just wants to belong
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they say that one plus one is always two
but sometimes i get three
because with me,
what you get is more than what you see
and i don't always follow the rules
but to myself i will always be true
yes, to my soul i will be true
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four tattoos and a belly ring
fixing the punctures in my heart
and purple is the color
of my soul, my sky, my skin
so call me a dreamer, a rebel, a poet
because i'll always write 'bout
what's inside my head
and i'll always be true to my heart
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and i know the earth is round
and i know that my feet belong on the ground
but sometimes i wish i could fly
or be a star up in the sky
because my heart just wants to be loved
oh, my heart just wants to belong
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…don't always want to be strong
no, my heart just wants to be loved
my heart just wants to belong
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(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2007

starry night...

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sweet dreaMs
littLe one…
doN’t be scared.
daddy’s moon
and
brothers’ sTars
will watch over you
tonight…
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pearLy memories
of innocence buTchered
and dooRs slammed
into shiny faces
of whispered fEars
and buried sinS
of wolves in sHeep’s clothes
and scarecrows
in straWberry fields
of silently growing
and knowingly cringing
of being
and tRying
to survive
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(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2001

giRls juSt waNna hAve fUn

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(my two nieces, Jeanne-Marie & Gwenda

clowning around. pics taken 2007, edited 2008)

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shredded daisy

(photo taken 2008)

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like a shredded daisy against a wall of wHy did you's & who could eVer love me again i hide behind porcelain white masks like a harlequin dealing sMiles & maybe she's the dead bloom no one will notice. because if you're dead you don't exist & no one will pay attention if you do it agaiN if you trip yourself & land on diRt in your nose dirt in your mouth & dirt in your soul turning you into leStat in withdrawal crAving a needle full of what exaCtly. blood? i caN't bleed anymore. & you can say aNything aSk anything screaM anything because i've been there before. and i'm still thAt butterfly shredded into a million tears. but she's pasted back together & i did thaT on my oWn

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(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2008

of pOetry & dreaMs & nO it iSn't fair

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whY? do i fall in love with wOrds these clever poets their words like little decadent cHOcolates melting on my tongue i savor so rich & then i woNder about life wrapped in those words like yards of siLk spinning spinning me into delicate wEbs of verse hoW can a woman turn her back on beauty sO sweet melting melting my heaRt i fall into these fondues of inflection resonating with each beat each fiber of my being i come aLive i breathe woRds they feed me touch me deeP
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i dream of yOu taking pictures of mE in paris loNdon greece barely wrapped in cReamy white sheets & you your zooming eyes taking private tours of my hiPs [click] my lips [click] london bridge is falling doWn [click] & sunlight daNcing in my hair twisted all around your heaRt like tender tendrils enLacing embRacing you. beware these hotel california dreams i take prisoners nEver let your leave now you are forever taNgled up in me you me you & i don't want to leave tHis dream. this dReaM is aLL it is. it isn't real. i write you ouT of me be fRiends? bE free
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no it's nOt fair to you, or yOu, or yoU. no it's not. wHo am i? to be so boLd. so silly. so iNdiscreet. indeed. who? am i. all you did was brEathe & there i go spinning stories of ever aFter around your feet not even walking the same streetS. such maDness. so siCk. am i? or is this juSt me still believing in maybe oNe day…why dO i? why can't i just bE. & not yeaRn for more, for wheN is it my time & why aRen't you that fairytale in my mind? so you see. it iSn't fair. silly…so silly of me.
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the time is nOw
& there iS no fairytale
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waKe up, woman
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BReathe!
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(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2008

skipping pebbles

(pic taken at kelley's island. photo edit, 2008)

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skipping pebbles

with bended knees

making blue ripples

i wish i could freeze

this moment, so serene

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(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2008

bennie of the red pants

(dual brush pen, 2008)

bloom baby!

(oil pastels & water colors, 2008)

(collage, 2008)

smashed angel

(photo edit, 2008)

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...but didn't you know smashed angels like to dance slips slides bare foot over your heart and shoot your soul straight into their veins? because. just because, okay. she can and she will make you wonder if you saw what you think you didn't see and or maybe that was a fairy with red lips hiding in your wounds. it all depends on where you stick the needle and if you throw her a flower with a soul that smells like home...

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(C) Copyright, MJ Calitz, 2008