green me blue

(oil pastels & watercolors, 2008)

(oil pastels, 2008)

i like me

*

i throw like a girl

i paint like a child

i sing i dance

i dream in

multi color hues

*

huwelik

*
*
ek is skarlaken rooi lus
opgedress in lang swart boots
nerf-af van frustrasie en wag vir jou
*
***
eendag sal ons kinders hê
en ek hoop hulle survive
die skewe brille wat ons dra
en ons fragile liefde vir mekaar
*
***
vertroue is 'n wit stippellyn in die stof
ek probeer op die lyn loop
terwyl jy terloops met jou rug na my gekeer
staan en wag
*
***
ek en jy vlieg hand aan hand die vreemde in
op soek na 'n nuwe avontuur
maar miskien sal ons eers regtig tuiskom
wanneer ons verhuis
*
***
jy is 'n argief van moets en moenies
jy is die warm lyf langs my in die vroeë oggendure
jy is die skoenlapper in my maag
jy is my huis
*
*
(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2005

@ your feet

(dual brush pen, ink & paper flowers, 2008)

*
*
i want to sit @ your feet
invited & childlike
basking in
your ancient moons circling me
my soul growing branches rooted in your lace curtained i
want to crochet red flowers on your tongue
spinning tapestries of long gone lovers rocking boats
floating in your hunger
your desires
your fears
your gears turning around & finding calm waters, aye
i want to eastwestnorthsouth you, centre quilted
while sipping tea on sunny porches
eat graham crackers cream cheesed
& rolled in your cinnamon voice enveloping me
then take a curled nap in your wrinkled hand
*
soaking
soaking
soaking
*
100% authentic earth goddess
i want to sit @ your feet
*
*
(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2008

cotton candy screams

(oil pastels & photo editing, 2008)

*

*

ella bElla. such a pRetty moon faced bride. previously goTh. iC the croWd. fuse with dreadlOcks, tattoos & veRy stripper shoes. hiPhop the metal. cleavage rUles. &black's the nEw powder bLue. accessorize with puRple toes & purPle shoes & purpLe flowers in city hall pews. mEw the kitty c@t grinning wide. the maid of honor suGars her dues. looK! @ me. cliCk. cliCk. pout. muse. boWtie the bRother. brOther! bubble double toil Or tRouble. rEbel hearts temporarily sTarched in cOwlicked crowNs & kentucky greaSe. waltZ the sister. 2 x 2. daddy siNgs. mommy cookS & cRies, cooKs & crieS. 4 AM her tableclOth sMile. the cake's nOt(!) chocolaTe. mudd my feet (neXt time) & fAiry my cleavage coZ i wiTnessed the wHole daMn thiNg with eyes that sUck you iN &feet doN't laugh @bLeeding bliStered dreams. ballerina shoeS just pirouette in cOtton cAndy sCreams

*

*

(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2008

*

(pS. the poem got a life of its own & became something that does not necessarily reflect the truth...writer's privilege *wink*)

we dance

*
*
KT, Anna & Colbie sing in my ears
hand in hand, we run through fields
of sorrow and of light
until i find a spot on my purple skin
where it's high, but it feels safe
Anna asks, what if we fall, what if we don't
i say, don't worry, heaven's made of cotton wool
KT says, first, you have to like it on the ground
swim deep, Baby. just breathe. breathe deep
Colbie takes me to Capri
pregnant bellies and boys with dreams live there
we count to three. Colbie says, wake up, wake up!
all you have to do is never ever let go…1,2,3
wait! don't burst the bubble, yet
i love it here. look i don't need feet
fly high. fly deep. fly free
we dance on clouds of fluffy pink. and stars
Anna says, let's play truth or dare. drink me
if i get scared, KT says, she'll sing a lullaby for me
coz she's mother earth, the universe & me
swim deep, Baby. just breathe. breathe deep
KT, Anna, Colbie & me
we dance. we feel. we fall. we breathe
baby baby, just breathe free
*
*
(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2007

3 dads

pics of my 3 dads, for fathersday...

*

(biological dad, died when i was six. the heart with wings is a tattoo on my back, which i designed in honor of my dad. gypsy @ heart.)

*

(father in law. oh, to own a Harley...)

*

(stepdad, who raised me)

biological

ODYSSEY (or: Gypsy girl)
*
the curse of the wandering spirit

is woven into the fabric of my soul

periodically calling my nervous system

to uproot and go where ever the wind takes me

which is: away from here

(always away from here)

i inherited this curse from my father

(they did not tell me this. but i know.)

it was imprinted in my dna

before i even existed

he struggled with his inner demons

until he could no longer fight

then he would disappear for days

just to start this war again when he returned

and eventuallyhe crashed into his own nomadic heart

asking, why god?

he is no more. but i am.

and his wanderlust is infused into my blood

running wild in my veins like a gypsy queen

chasing answers she will never find

searching the earth for asylum

knowing that no place will ever satisfy her desire

to dance under new and exotic stars

because the sky will always be the same sky

no matter where you go

and people will never change

no matter how hard they try

my father crashed not able to contain his anxiety

and some nights i lie in bed

holding my breath

until the migrating birds in my head fly on

without me

wondering if i will crash too

if i let myself go with them one day

*

*

(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2007

like a cat

(collage, 2008)

*
*
like a cat curled
inside giant ugg boots
is how i feel with you
i'm walking bare feet
inside your heart
and there is softness
everywhere
because it's never been so simple
never so playful, never so pure
never
so easy
you scratch my belly. &i
unravel like a ball of string
i play with your shoe laces
i purr for you
you're like my favorite chair
on a sunny porch
heart, you are
the sun on my freckled face
and i feel
so comfortable
with you
*
*
(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2008

l.o.v.e.m.e.

l.ov.e.m.e

r.e.a.d.m.e
k.i.s.s.m.e
h.u.g.m.e
s.e.e.m.e

.

soap & tears

*

*

water raining down from my showerhead
dilutes warm tears escaping from within
and i wish that i could melt
and disappear down the drain
so the next time you’re thirsty and you open a tap
maybe you’ll drink me, no preservatives added
and maybe i’ll go straight to your heart
because i just want to be held right now
but i’ll probably get tangled in expectation, too much frustration
like the hair clogging my drain and the cobwebs smothering my brain
or maybe i’ll evaporate and condensate on another planet
because i hate this world…this life…this me
and i’m so tired of constantly trying to keep my head above water
please hear my s.o.s. or shut up! and leave me alone
because i’m bleeding out
and i need all my strength to survive
and i run so fast from a to be each day
that i forgot to pray
and now “perfect” is draining my energy
and my oxygen supply’s dangerously low
can’t breathe.
just breathe.
c.a.n.’t
…what if i was a fish and could breathe through gills
but i’m not and soap burns when it gets in your eyes
and i wonder if i would get rich
if i sold prayer in a soap that smelled like hope
but prayers can’t be touched
and soldiers ain’t lovers
so i send the dream down the drain
(instead of me)
i’m taking back my soul today
because it doesn’t belong to any man, virtual or real
or to anything depleting my strength
and certainly to no number eating up my smile
*
and “expectation” is an 11 letter word
that doesn’t belong in this poem anymore
*

*

(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2007

fairy me

*
she's a fairy on my back
with shiny purple hair
and delicate green wings
underneath a rose bush
and a full moon...
she's me burying my innocence
in a grave of silent shame
no witnesses. just pain
she's the symbol of
dark times laced with fear
of hiding in a grave
so many lost years
she's the eulogy of the child in me
the mother of my grief. be free
she's beauty and grace
courage without a face
she's the fairy on my back
she's me

*

*
(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2007

little poem

*

buddah & jesus

they dance a slow tanga

they speak poetry

they weep

the world is sad & bleak

the world is awesome

the world is sick

*

(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2008

things i love

*

pictures taken 2008

in your hands

(pen, 1995)

*

*

303 poems
i send to you
like newborn ducklings
falling over their clumsy feet for your attention
like little darling oafs
send into the world. away from me
and i feel so vulnerable
*
34 years worth of living
i send to you
like pieces of me. ripped from my heart
and in your hands i lay my love, my hate
my happy, my sad
my pain, my shame, my holy, my crazy
and in your hands i lay my soul
*
15 years of writing
i send to you
for your evaluation, your approval, your inspiration
and maybe a brand new song
(or 303) will be born
to fly straight through other people's ears to their hearts
or maybe you'll throw it all away
*
and you could love it
or your could hate it
you could totally relate
or violently disapprove
but i know i'll make you sit back in shock at least once
and maybe make you read some pieces twice
because my voice is bigger than me
*
and I feel so vulnerable
because I delivered my art and my soul to you
and maybe you'll throw it away
because my voice is too soft, too crazy, too big
*
or maybe you'll write a song
(or 303)
to fly straight to the heart of the world

*

*

(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2007

apple tree

*
*
i stole a weeping apple tree
from the garden of my heart
.
and planted it in yours
*
*
(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2006
*
***
*
not just a tree
*
saw you again today
your face looked thin
you said you just dropped in
because you missed me (!)
i said, "doN't lie, baby
coz i'm juSt an apple tree"
and we said some more
but we didn't say a thing
and i thought that i would die
but it was really okay
because in my soul i kNew
that i was mOre than that one tree
that i stole from my own heart
to plant in yours. the one that neveR grew
and i was sad. and i was glad
because i should have known better
but today is a neW dAy
yesterday's gone. and Life…
well, LiFe gOes oN
Baby, babY
and i'm rEally
oKay
.
*
*
(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2007

life is not

*

“If I could have the whole world
I’ll have only you” - Nianel, 'if i could' –

*
*
LIFE IS NOT
*
if i could control time
i would fast forward to the part
where the girl kisses the hero
and we’d walk away into the sunset
hand in hand
*
if i could manipulate space
i would fly over oceans and mountains
until i found myself in the warmth of your stare
and i’d be content simply to know
that i was there
*
and if i could alter the universe
i would make you mine. i would
hold you in my arms and softly kiss your neck
and i wouldn’t let you go
not now or ever
*
but time has a way of flying

when you want it to stop
and freezing

when you can’t wait for it to pass
like an old man teasing you
with the carrot of your hearts desire
space is neither here nor there
and life IS NOT a fairytale
because all we have is here and now
and there is no consolation prize
hidden in tomorrow
*

*

(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2007

i paint him not

(water colors, collage & photo edit 2008)

*

*

i paint him a god with white hoRse. a porche. a pretty pretty face. i paint him brave. i paint him zeN. i paint him wings & sO no strings. i rescue him. i paint a boat a plane a sTar. we fly the breeze. kiss air. play he loves mE he loves me nOt. imaginary petals dressing wounds. he rose'd my world. no thorns. just soFt & pink and honey licking bees. freeze! dOn't sneeze. doN't shake the bottle. don'T rattle the snake. dress him in white wool & gooFy grin. dress him in poetrees growing wings fLowing from his tongue like marmalade rain on thirSty soul. root this smiLe. i paint him on my heaRt. happy. eVer? after. sweet talker. sleeP walker. snow white ate that apple. he kissed me hAppy. doN't disturb. i paint with hunger, fever, lies. butterFLies. dance on highs. swims deep doWns. fish & stars, bAby. crabs & shaRks circle circle hover pOUnce. my, what sharp teeth you got. what silly claws. & what stern teacher's sTare. it's so sad it's funny. who's laughing? nOt me. i paint a blank page. i paint a shady tRee and a poem and the number 3

*

long run. song. 1 step c'mon, 2 steps c'mon, 3 steps c'mon…

*

(dead bird)

*

sweat driPs on page

*

(flat line)

*

i paint him not

i paint juSt me

*

(heart beat returns)

zigzag this w3rd

*

*

(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2008

eat some more

your hunger for perfection eats me up inside as i yearn for your unconditional love me as i am but once again you flip me inside out and devour me as i eat some more of your criticism sated to the brim yet starving for your love

*

*

(C) Copyright MJ Calitz, 2000

color me happy

(oil pastels, 2008)

(water colors, 2008)

(color
pencils,
1995)