my happy tree

*

*

*

this is what i did last weekend. i put bows on the baby maple tree in my back yard. white bows. yellow bows. red bows. shiffon bows & denim bows. now, everytime i look at my back yard, i see a happy tree & i smile

*

*
*

(C) Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2009

juSt me

My self confidence as an artist took a nose dive this past few weeks.
*
Why? You ask.
*
I call myself an artist, a poet, a photographer. And yet it feels like I have nothing to show for it sometimes.
*
There comes a point in every artists work where you think "Oh no, I went too far or I messed it up."…OR you do something "brilliant" and you're too scared to mess that up, so you stop before it's done...OR you lose your "message"…which is to say, you lose your reason to create. (& which is also a subject worth it's own investigation but we won't go into all that now.) Well, here's the thing, I have 7 (SEVEN!) unfinished paintings & collages in my craft room right now. (...why am I suddenly scared of my own craft room?)
*
I haven't written a poem in ages. It's like the words are all scrambled inside my head and won't come out right and the longer I'm silent, the harder it gets. This is a big problem for me but I'm ignoring it…it's like the elephant in the room no one will talk about, but every one knows is there…I have a word elephant.
*
And then my very technical husband, bless his soul, bought a new camera and is suddenly IN LOVE with photography. This is good, yes? Yes, because at last he is interested in something creative that we can share and maybe it will make him less impatient with me when we're on vacation and I want to take a million photographs. And no, because…well, because he's so much better at it than me, being the technical whiz that he is. And I've never been very technical. Terms like "shutter speed" and "aperture" are not in my vocabulary (or my trick bag for that matter) and one of my favorite special effects in photography is taking pictures into the sun, which any photographer worth his salt will tell you is a no no.
*
So we go on a hike the other day taking both our cameras and I feel good. I feel exhilarated. (I take the million pictures.) But when I get home, I discover that most of my pictures have a lens reflected somewhere in it, because my husband suggested that I use a UV filter, which I have never used before. My first instinct (being a little scared and a lot stubborn) was to say no, because I get along just fine without it, thank you. But then I think, why not try something new? Maybe it helps me to take better pictures. But it doesn't, and I end up disappointed and frustrated, posting, deleting and settling…which, this blog is NOT about. This blog is about shining.
*
And then to top it all, we spend Thanksgiving with friends. After the meal we hang out at the table talking, playing games and eventually drawing with crayons (which we used during the games). And my friends' daughter sketches a beautiful, delicate, realistic portrait of a goth girl in minutes (WITH A CRAYON!), no sweat, while I draw bold, childlike hearts, flowers and suns on my page. My friend says I'm searching, because I fill the blank spaces in between with swirls & curls.
*
My poor artist ego…after all that. And what do I do? I hide under soft blankets, bundles of laundry and a stack of books. Not to diminish the value of a nap, clean clothes or reading a good book…but, wow! what a silly girl I sometimes am.
*
So here I am. No painting, No photograph. No poem. Just me. And I have to remember that I am enough (even though I seem very small right now).
*
*
MJ Calitz, 2009

i love books

*

for a lot of people books are like old friends and if you ask them, they will tell you that books are full of soul. to see them. touch them. smell them. read them. they take you to other worlds. fantastic worlds. dark worlds. magical worlds. romantic worlds. the words. crawl into your mind and touch places deep inside. they spark thoughts. make you smile, make you cry. books don't mind who you are. it doesn't matter if you're rich or poor, happy or sad, have a degree or a fancy job. they don't ask why you read them. or where. or how. as long as you choose to read them, books will be there for you.

*

i found these at a half price bookstore last week, some of them only $2. for me it starts with the cover. if it pulls me in, i'll pick it up and read the back to decide if i'm interested or not. and the answer to "what do you read?" will change from day to day, depending on my state of mind...it can be romance, drama, mystery & crime, whimsical, biography, short stories, poetry, spiritual, self improvement, arst & crafts, english or afrikaans, even a stephen king horror every now and then. it doesn't matter. as long as i always have a book close by...pst. here's a little secret...bookstores make me happy. deeply happy.

*

i wish for you always to find the book that you need to read at that moment in time.

*
hope you had a lovely thanksgiving.

*
*
(C) Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2009

sunsoaked berries

*
*
(C) Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2009

balancing on paintbrushes

*
this is one of those unplanned paintings that started with cleaning paint brushes & ended in the realization that there's a crazy kind of balance in my life & that i am loved. this is why i love art. it feeds the soul.

*

[this painting: acrylics, water colors, oil pastels & permanent markers on muslin with stitched border]

*
*
(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2009

be kind to yourself

*

whenever you doubt yourself, even when you think you should have done better, or know you have in the past, acknowledge that you did your best aT tHat mOmenT...and let that be enough.

*

*

(C) Photoart, MJ Calitz, 2009

sit cross legged

*
let your thoughts float away...
& breathe
*

*

*
(C) Photograph, MJ Calitz, 2008

fill me up

*

last night i had this urge to fill a page with oil pastel color. no plan or theme...just fill it up with color. so i sat down and i started coloring until the page was no longer white. no white anywhere. just abundant color everywhere. what does that mean? i don't know. but i feel better. maybe i just needed to empty my mind. that's the beauty of creating...when you start to concentrate on the art, you forget about everything else...time fades. and so does stress. i like to think of it as constructive meditation.

*
*

i did the piece below earlier in the weekend. it's all about identity. how you see yourself. how others see you. how you think others see you. do you let what you do, what you say or what you wear influence who you are or the other way around? what defines you? (what's inside or what others see and know about you), etc. what you don't see on this picture is that the whole piece is covered by a layer or gloss gel, making it shiny like plastic. i also used color pencils and acrylics.

*
*
*
(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2009

sharp & bubbly

*

*

i predict that you'll see a lot more of this bunny in my art. i adore it. this piece was quick, spontaneous and fun.
*
(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2009

i promise

*

for me, weddings are celebrations of love, family & ethereal beauty. this one was no exception.

*

congratulations Ricky & Julie. & thank you for inviting us to share in your special day.

*

[again, please excuse the quality of the resized uploads. unfortunately, i don't have control over how that turns out. & some of these pics are blurry either by accident or on purpose but i think it gives them a more dreamy look.]
*

*
*

*

*

*

*

so why is the title of this post, "i promise" and not "i do?" i found this quote on a website for "famous wedding quotes" (of all places!) and of course i had to use it :-P

*

[Christopher Robin to Pooh]

"Pooh, promise me you won't forget about me, ever. Not even when i am a hundred."
Pooh thought for a little while.

"How old shall i be then?"

"Ninety-nine."

Pooh nodded. "i promise," he said.

*

*

(C) All photographs, MJ Calitz, 2009

walking tall

*

sometimes we feel small...be it in a new job environment, attending a big function when you only know two or three other people there, or stepping into your own skin. we can't help but question our value and coming up short somedays. but here's the thing...remember WHO you are. remember that you are worthy just because you exist and that you have just as much right to BE as anybody else, no matter who they are...so, walk tall my friends. walk with the elephants and horses. & have a great weekend.

*
*
(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2009

it makes you thirsty

*

then alice climbed the spiral stairs. where does it lead? she wondered. she got so lost in that thought that everything else faded away...

*

*
& before she knew it, she had reached the top of the stairs. to her surprise, she found a field of psychedelic flowers. how curious, she thought & promptly sat down for a sandwich & a sip of tea.

*

*
*
(C) Words & Photoart, MJ Calitz

remember to

*

love yourself

no matter what

*

another muslin square painting - acrylics, water colors, metallic markers, embellishments & stitching. mini fairy painting - acrylics & metallic marker on wax paper...yes! wax paper. i have no idea if this will stay, but that's the idea of these paintings...to experiment & learn :-P

*

*

& an e-mail from my friend john is the inspiration for posting this photograph. i found these books in a gift shop and sneaked a pic opportunity. heh. (have fun working in the bookshop john...)

*

*

(C) Art & Photograph, MJ Calitz, 2009

autumn iii [contrast]

*

i wish i could show you the original photographs. they look so much sharper and sunnier than the automatically resized uploads. you can see the sun shining on the leaves and the colors are so bright and vivid that you feel like you could morph into the pictures and be there...touch a leave, feel the autumn sun on your face.

*

the two photographs below made me think of a sunny walk on an

*

autumn morning

*
...and an autumn afternoon

*

*

we can learn a lot from autumn trees...

they give unconditionally & generously of their beauty when they are most vulnerable. they stand tall even when they are stripped naked. and they remind us that bad times can be weathered and good times will come again.
*

so when you feel vulnerable again, remember to

be beautiful

stand tall

& never lose hope

*
*

(C)Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2009

autumn II [fairy autumn]

i call this "my valentine tree" because the leaves blush like sunkissed lovers.

*

for time-defying romance & a painfree lesson in patience, either sit, stand or lie under an autumn tree. you can

(a) play a game of "catch a ray of sun on your tongue"

(b) let the tree paint maps on your skin with sun & everchanging foil

or (c) when the amber leaves rain down, see how many surprise you with a wayward kiss

*

you fill me with glee

my valentine tree

*

*

if you dance on a carpet of fallen leaves, you'll find that you never dance alone. just imagine a fairy under each leave...

*

*

...& in the golden forrest i find solace & peace
*
*

when i look at this photograph, it feels like i'm floating under the water, looking up at the trees & the branches run like veins through a sea of leaves...
*

autumn is a time to find your inner fairy

*

*
(C) Photographs & words, MJ Calitz, 2009

autumn I [pumpkins & leaves]

*

For the next 3 days this blog will be all about autumn. yellows & ambers in layers of lacy color both brilliant & subtle, fairy footsteps in forrests & sun on leaves. i hope it makes you want to curl up in a sunny spot, eat bowls full of sweet cinnamon-y pumpkin & smile inside.

*

*

*

*

(C)Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2009

take a bite

*

these are not the best pictures because some images just doesn't photograph well. but i still wanted to share them. [click on images to enlarge and see more detail.]

*

the top piece was the main idea. it started with copying a random page from the dictionary. this page was all about fruit. and the word "forbidden" jumped out at me. i also loved the illustrations on the page. so i attached the copied page to 8x10 canvas board. then i layered paint, string and more paper (including more photocopies, a chocolate wrapper & facial tissue paper). this piece is about forbidden fruit, temptation, contrast (sensuality & decay, promises & lies, weakness & strength, healthy & sinful), secrets, consequences, layers, movement.

*
the other piece that you see in the picture below, in contrast, is all about simplicity. it's honest, transparent & static. what you see is what you get. and it's just pink & yellow left over paint from the first piece that i swept roughly over a clean canvas board and didn't over work.

*
i think they make a pretty pair. so now the question is...to frame or not to frame. i'm thinking maybe bold white frames.

*

*
*
(C) Art, MJ Calitz, 2009

what you carry

*
that cross that you're always carrying with you…
*
do you remember why you (chose to) carry it?
*
is it still necessary for your survival, or does it hurt you now?
*
and if it was really made out of stone and just as heavy physically as it is emotionally, would you still be carrying it today?
*
*
why don't you put it down?
you'll be okay.
i promise.
*

*
ps. i found this angel yesterday at a nearby graveyard and instantly loved her.
*
*
(C) Photograph, MJ Calitz, 2009

come again

I didn't think people visited here…No that's not entirely true. I have some darling friends that still believe in me in spite of the fact that I'm moving as slow as a snail to become the artist inside. And every so often they let me know that they "see me". And so I know that they drop in and I cherish that. A lot. But I didn't know that strangers sometimes visit my blog and come back for more. That gave me a little pause today. Wow. I kinda feel a little responsible now. To produce and grow. But you know what. I wouldn't be doing anyone a favor by pushing myself too hard. That would only make me creep back into my shell. So, this is me, just saying thank you to all my friends and everyone else who visit here. Your interest and positive energies make a difference in my life. Thank YOU. sO much.
*
Here's a piece I finished last week. I call it "butterfly tree."
*

*
I started with an 11 x 14 inch piece of corrugated cardboard. I randomly swiped acrylic paint mixed with glazing medium over the surface with a credit card. Then I painted a black tree skeleton and layered it with black lace cut to fit. At this point I glued the cardboard to a similar sized piece of hardboard for support (two holes drilled at the top). I cut out two butterflies and a daisy from scrapbook paper and painted them with gloss gel (both sides). I printed a cropped photograph (self portrait) and did the same thing. Then I added these 4 pictures to my tree. It still needed something, so I took beads in complementing colors, wrapped them with wire and added them to the tree like fruit. As finishing touches I added black cut outs to the 4 corners and lastly I punched the two holes through the cardboard and added bolts, nuts and wire so the piece can be hanged. [click on pic to enlarge]
*
& the symbolism behind it all: the tree is me (complete with arms & head disappearing into & becoming branches. no legs, since the tree's roots are my legs). the flower symbolizes my soul bursting forth…refusing to be boxed in. the butterflies symbolize all the beautiful souls send on my path to teach me, carry me, love me. the beads are the fruit I bear (or wish to bear). And they are wrapped in wire like little gifts…or because i sometimes feel constrained. Or just because I can. The orange, white and blue paint symbolize my heritage. (I'm South African by birth and those three colors were the original colors of our national flag. It has changed since. But it will always remind me of that flag and where I come from). The curly cut outs symbolize both space and time both here and not here and this is important because it's always in the corners of my mind. the hardware I used to hang the piece, is all about being tough vs. the fragile lace.
*
And then this poem:
*
autumn day. the cold crawls into her body like insects looking for warmth entering through every open door as if her heart is a house. no. she's a tree. maybe there is a house. somewhere. but she. is. a tree. growing roots & branches & leaves and occasionally fruit. why does she feel like she needs to bear fruit to be a tree? pretty fruit. lots of fruit. fruit ripening & falling on the ground fruit. it's weighing her down a little that she's not one of those trees. yet. more sun. more sun & water & love. & maybe one day she'll bear her fruit with pride
*
***
*
tHanKs foR visitinG. pLease coMe aGaiN
*
*
(C) Art & Poetry, MJ Calitz, 2009

barely here

*

*
so where DID my words go? i guess i'm going through a silent phase right now. i haven't written a lot of poems the last month or so and the few i wrote, were either too private or too raw to share here. honestly though, i don't think it's that you couldn't handle reading it...but more that i couldn't handle it being read. sometimes you just got to listen to your soul and give it a little down time. not so in the spotlight all the time. not so vulnerable & exposed. sometimes you got to focus on other things. like finding your inner artist. even though others might not see it. might not believe it. might not support it. sometimes you just gotta let go of that fear and all those expectations and anything else that keeps you away from your dreams. and be you. without apology. so this is me, not apologising. this is me blowing you a kiss and saying "don't worry, i didn't forget you."

*
*
this piece will be part of a long term project. i've shifted from paper towels to using muslin squares to clean and blot paint brushes, which makes for awesome & spontaneous little collages infused with whatever i'm feeling at that moment. i'm thinking a little fabric art book or maybe an art quilt. time will tell. this one is a combination of acrylic paints, bronze glaze, gloss gel and permanent markers as well as papers, ribbons, lace & metal elements. here's the fun part: these are supposed to be imperfect & experimental, not only allowing me to learn as i go, but also to add character and personality. why not. i will share more in future.

*
be well

mj

*

*

(C) MJ Calitz, 2009

amber light

*

*

the warm colors of autumn flowers, the way the light kiss the petals and even when half the film is blurred...there's something about these pictures that speaks to my soul...

*

*

*

(C) Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2009

square cocoon

*

*

how funny is it that i made this and realized afterwards that i find myself in a square cocoon of my own making?

*
how to: i started with 8x8 canvasboard, added layers of tissue paper and paint and stiched a paper napkin square with butterfly motif to a square of muslin (the sides unravelled). i then added cardboard, a poem, threads & washers, glued the top two layers to the cavasboard (adding 3 ribbons secured between the layers to hang it) and finished the piece with touches of paint, gold gel pen & beads.

*

*
(C) MJ Calitz, 2009

red barn

*

*

*

(C) Photographs, MJ Calitz, 2009

both & everything between

*

sometimes my heart is smashed

sometimes my heart is green

and sometimes my heart is both

and everything between

*

*

(C) photograph & verse, MJ Calitz, 2009

softly

*

*

*
(C) MJ, 2009

clown girl

*

*
she's my little clown girl. acrylics on 11 x 14 inch canvas with 3D elements.

*

(C) Painting, MJ Calitz, 2009